My daily commute

So my daily commute is a bit different these days. Instead of my evo I get to ride in a military SUV. And instead of coffee I get to carry an M-16 at my side. I make the trip to the airport and back at least twice a week, and every time I am amazed at the place I find myself in.

The lack of a speed limit coupled with the Kuwaiti's lack of driving ability makes the roads more dangerous than any I have ever driven on. Accidents here are so common I have seen as many as three fresh accidents in one thirty minute trip.

After a while you get numb to all of the wreckage that lines the road. So I decided to take some pictures to show all of you what I have seen. These are all wrecks that have occur ed in the last month along a 20 mile or so stretch of Hwy 40. I have driven I-5 about 100 times and I don't think I have seen an accident as bad as the ones I have seen here.

So take a look my fellow voyeurs and be thankful that you don't have to drive in this damn place. As always, click on the picture to see a larger image.











Of course the lack of a speed limit also means that we get to drive as fast as we want.

Im on a boat!

Being a Navy guy in the middle of the desert is a little weird. I know that the Gulf is only like 20 miles from where I live and work, but it may as well be a thousand for all that I get to see it. I admit, I miss the ocean a little. I think I have lived on or near the ocean for most of my life, and I think I took it for granted a bit. So when the chance to take a ride on a tug was presented I jumped on it.

Besides the chance to get on the open ocean again was a chance to get away from Camp Arifjan, or Arifjail as its not so affectionatly known, for an afternoon. My job is the living embodyment of Groundhogs Day. Every day I wake up at the same time, get to work at the same time, have the same mundane conversations, eat the same shitty food, and stare at the same computer screen contemplating jabbing pins into my eyes. Thank god for my Magic Jack or I may be sitting in a rubber room as we speak.

Enough about my exciting job, lets get to the boat ride! I took 3 of my staff members with me and headed out to the Kuwait Navy Base. The Tugs are owned by a Kuwaiti company and contracted by the US Government to bring in US vessels that carry everything from food to tanks into the country.

So we met up with the tug at the pier!


And headed out to sea!


We drove out to sea about three miles and met up with this rust bucket that we got to board and ride back into port.


I think Wilson's got a little captain in him.



So there is a few pics from my boat ride. It was pretty cool. I got a sunburn and chapped lips. I guess I need to get me sea legs back.

Talk to you all soon.

Camels!

I had really expected to see Camels running rampant all over the place. They are one of the staples of the middle east, kind of like Walmart and McDonalds used to be in America. As it turns out camels are elusive little suckers, I had driven hundreds, maybe even thousands of miles here in Kuwait and had yet to see even one camel.

Until now!

The other day on my way back from the airfield I came across a camel herder with a pack of camels (or maybe a herd of camels, what the hell do you call a group of camels?) Anyway, he was cool and hearded them over to the car where they tried to eat our camera. Turns out camels find us as fascinating as we find them.

This is pretty much just a picture digest of the camels we saw. Nothing fancy. Hope you enjoy, they are some pretty silly creatures.

P.S. wikipedia says a group of camels is called a caravan. who knew?

Newtons second law

Way back in the 16th century some really smart guy named Isaac came up with some crazy ideas to try and explain how the universe works. The funny thing is, 500 years later his crazy theory's are still studied and considered to be the standard by which all modern laws of physics are based. Think about that. Nothing from 500 years ago is still relevant today. Wigs, vikings, crusades, stoning, castles, catapults, witches, knights, and jousting are all gone. Yet Newtons laws of physics are still with us. Pretty amazing if you ask me.

The reason for the history lesson is because of the little demonstration I recently received, showing Newtons second law in all of its glory. For those of you not versed in the laws of physics, I will explain a few to you. Most of you already know the first law, "Every body remains in a state of rest or uniform motion (constant velocity) unless it is acted upon by an external unbalanced force." Or simply put, an object in motion tends to stay in motion.

Even more of you are familiar with the third law, "The mutual forces of action and reaction between two bodies are equal, opposite and collinear." Or as as you may know it, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Yet the poor second law is lost and forgotten to most of us. Like the typical middle child shadowed in the achievements of its prodigious siblings, the second law is left with feelings of inadequacy and self doubt. Fear not second law, for I am about to show the world your power in all of its glory.

Newtons second law states, "A body of mass m subject to a force F undergoes an acceleration a that has the same direction as the force and a magnitude that is directly proportional to the force and inversely proportional to the mass." Basically this means that an object will accelerate at a rate equal to the force propelling it. For example, if you push a ball it will move at a certain speed. If you push that ball three times harder, it will move three times faster. Get it? good!

Now lets discuss carbonation for a minute. Carbonation is simply the act of dissolving carbon dioxide (CO2) in a liquid. A coke can is pressurized to keep the CO2 diluted in the water, hence the rush of air that escapes when you open a can of coke. CO2, even when diluted in coke, is still a gas and must obey the laws of physics as they pertain to gasses. One of those laws says that as a gas heats up it must expand. Therefore the hotter you get CO2 the more it must expand. If it is contained inside of an aluminum cylinder the pressure will eventually get to the point where the can is no longer able to hold the pressure. Then you get something like this:



For those of you wondering, that is what happens when you leave a Diet Dr Pepper in the 140 degree heat for a few hours then drive down a bumpy road. Here is a picture of the headliner in the truck to show you how much force an exploded soda can will create.



This coke episode happened in the front seat of a full size GMC Yukon XLT. The picture below is of the back window which is a good ten feet from the location of the explosion. Newton would be proud!



I think this may finally answer the question of "just how hot is it there?" Frying an egg is childs play. Exploding a soda can like an M80. Now thats hot!

Buffet of the Sultans

As promised, I will now give the details of my great dinner at the "Buffet of the Sultans." As most of you know, I am not a big fan of buffets. But in this case how could I say no. This was the Buffet of the Sultans after all. Sultans are these great, larger than life characters who live in lavish palaces with many wives and faithful servants. If this buffet was good enough for them, It would certainly be good enough for me.

The "Buffet of the Sultans" was located in the Al-Shakra Restaurant and Cafe. Which looks strangely like a Mexican food place at Christmas. Should have been my first clue.




When we entered the buffet of the sultans we were accosted with the sights and sounds of the rich Arabian cuisine. Where else in the world could you get a meal like this?



OK, so some of my less intrepid sailors went the safe route and ordered things off the menu. The Buffet of the Sultans, as it turns out, doesn't have the names of the buffet dishes in English. This made some of the crew shy away from the buffet route, and some of us even more determined to try out the best of what Kuwait had to offer.

I was one of the adventurous few who decided to throw caution to the wind and face the Buffet line head on. As I gazed over the colorful array of delicious entrees, I came upon a dish with a great looking red sauce. Unable to read the sign under it I decided for myself that is was some type of white meat covered in a marinara sauce.

When I got back to my table I luckily decided to scrape away some of the sauce from the meat to find out what is was I was eating. Click on the picture below and share in the horror of what I found under the sauce.



Needless to say, I threw away what was on my plate and abandoned the buffet for the rest of the night. I did however attack the dessert bar which seemed fairly safe. I found these delectable treats and devoured them like a ravenous Mongolian.



Not really sure what they were, but they were delicious. One tasted like an Oreo cookie and the other one was a chocolate, caramel, mousse, female orgasm creating concoction in a plastic cup.

So that was my dinner, the good and the bad. I did take one more picture from the mall that I meant to add to my last post. I think this company has figured out the perfect way to sell crappy laundry soap. Just make a slogan besotwing the virtues of said crappy laundry soap. Mission accomplished. Talk to you all soon!

Insha'Al-Leo

For the last few weeks I have decided to live my life in the same manner Muslems seem to approach just about everything: Insha'Allah. Translated to English this means roughly "If Allah wills it, it shall be done." Let me tell you, Insh'Allah is absolutely liberating. When my boss asks me if something is done I simply reply, "Insha'Allah." When I make plans, I no longer check my calender, I just say "Insha'allah." I have even stopped wearing a seat belt, hard hat, or jockstrap because hey "Insha'Allah." It might actually be better than "Hakuna Matata."

There is one problem I have encountered with Insha'Allah however. It appears that Allah is not interested in sweeping the floor or taking out the trash or doing laundry either. Actually, as far as I can tell, he is as lazy as I am. It also seems that writing a blog does not rank very highly on his to do list. Go figure. So now I guess it is up to me to get this blog, and the mountain of laundry in my room, done. Maybe I should change my philospohy to Insha'Al-Leo. "If Leo wills it, it shall be done." Im not saying...Im just saying.

Now on to the pictures:

So it appears that I have an astute group of readers who were not fooled by biased portrayal of Kuwait. Several of you have pointed out that Kuwait is actualy a wealthy country with one of the more progressive governments in the Middle East. So in an attmept to reconsile the previous blogs I have posted with some facts, I will now show you the other side of Kuwait. The side that few military members will ever get to see, and I have been fortunate enough to enjoy.

First the mall: You all know how much I love to shop, so when a trip to the mall was needed to price some new exercise equipmet, I was the first to volunteer. The pictures below are from the Souq Sharq, or Sharq Center.





Took this picture for Emily. MAC is her favorite place and I thought is would be cool for her to see it written in English and Arabic.


This is a clock that works purely on water pressure. We stood and watched it for a few miutes to try and figure it out. In the end I am convinced it is just magic. As you can see it was about 8:08 when I took this pic. Pretty neet.



We also went the 360 mall. It was much bigger and much busier. Definitely a different vibe here. If it werent for the women dressed like Ninja's you could think you back in America for a moment. The car below was for sale in the middle of the mall. Thought it was pretty bad ass so I snapped a pic.





The best part of the mall was definitely the indoor archery range. This just has bad idea written all over it. It wasn't even in a store, just people in the middle of the mall shooting arrows. So logically we joined in on the fun. This is a picture of one of my crew enjoying in the terrorist training. I wonder if somewhere in another mall there is an indoor range where you can learn how to throw rocks at a tank?





Dinner at the mall was an adventure all to itself. I will update this in a couple of days with all of the details. Thank you all for reading, I will talk to you soon.

The English language...and a few other things.

First off I would like to thank the few of you who actually take the time to read this. I appreciate both of you! Actually I have gotten pretty good feedback from my little experiment, and in turn am inspired to take more pics and write more stuff. I would like to make a special thanks to my moms friend Nancy who may be my biggest fan, even though we have never met. Thanks Nancy.

So for this installment I would like to start with a spelling and grammar lesson. While I am definitely no Webster when it comes to spelling (and no, not the midget from the TV show), the Army has done things to the English language that would embarrass Flavor Flave. Now I don't know whether the blame lies with the Army, or the locals who make the signs, but I do know there is plenty of blame to go around.

My first exhibit comes in the form of a sign. The same sign that is proudly displayed at the entrance to every military installation in the great land.



Now I can ignore the hyphen between "with" and "out" because really, compound words confuse me as well. But "Permation", really? Did the spell check not work on the sign making machine? And what low end Army officer signed off on the receipt of these signs? "Yes, sir! Looks good to me. Lets go ahead and order 200 of them." I am personally a fan of these signs because they give me a good chuckle every time I come back to the base.

So the bathrooms, or as the Army calls them, Latrines, here smell like shit. Pun definitely intended. So instead of cleaning and disinfecting them, the Army goes to great lengths to just try to cover up the smell. So instead of a clean, fresh, Lysol smell, the bathrooms smell like somebody shit a bouquet. One of the cover up methods is to hang these round air fresheners in every available nook and cranny.

While I appreciate the effort, and understand why they use them, I am curious what people have attempted to use these for in the past. In particular with their children. Click on the picture below to blow it up and read the warning at the top, you will understand what I mean.

I'm not exactly sure what "keep out of children" means, but those things are delicious!

While these assaults on the English language may be egregious in their own right. There is one word that seems to confound all who dare to attempt spelling it. Instead of telling you the word, I have photographic evidence of the crime. These are actual pictures taken from various latrines, showers and offices around lovely Camp Arifjan. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent, and the guilty.

Sealing light? what are we sealing with the light? How exactly does light seal? I need answers!

At least "Sealing" is an actual word in the English language. And I wont even get started on EX-HAUST, my head might explode.

How does that go again? I before E except after..Oh fuck it!

The best part is, I am yet to find one where CEILING is spelled correctly. I have had my camera on my 24/7 for the last 3 weeks looking for it. I will keep you posted.

And finally this:

I don't about you, but I am pretty sure that doesn't say "McDonald's". Was this guy drunk when he made the sign? Did he fall asleep half way through making it? Whats with all the squiggly lines? I'm confused!


I had a few random pics that I wanted to post, but they don't really fit into anything I wanted to write about. I figured I would just make an addendum to this post and throw them in at the bottom. Consider this a Post Script.

So I got a text from the Taliban the other day. Not really sure what it says, but I am pretty sure I now have a Jihad on me. I like the idea of a text Jihad. Maybe from now on we can just have holy wars over face book. Verbal salvos launched with smiley faces and lol's. That's my kind of war.



And finally another reminder of just how damn hot it is here. This is a snapshot of my desktop I took the other morning. Click on the picture to blow it up, pay attention to the time and temp. Yes indeed folks, its gonna be a long hot summer.

My new career

So I have finally made up my mind regarding my plans after retirement. I figure it needs to be something that will pay well in a location that I would want to reside in for the rest of my life. Get a job in a location with good schools, nice weather and plenty of things to do on my off time. The job will need to be conducive to raising a family with ample time off and a work load that will give me time to enjoy my time with my family.

Well folks, I think I have it all figured. I am going to appoint myself as the Minister of Travel for Kuwait (unless that title already exists, then I am staging a coup and conducting a hostile takeover).

I have it all figured out. This isn't really a bad place to plan your next vacation; people just need to be turned on to all of the wonderful things this amazing country has to offer. I will outline a few things that make this the next destination for world travelers of all types.

The first thing I would outline as the newly appointed (or taken) Kuwait minister of tourism is the amazing scenery this part of the world has to offer.





Just look at that view. Few places allow you to see for miles in any direction without having your view interrupted by pesky trees or annoying mountains. No sir, you will find few other places where your eyes are free to roam to the horizon, or at least to the constant haze that hangs in the air. Besides that, every day here is a day at the beach! Look at those beautiful sand dunes. It's the beach without having to worry about getting eaten by a shark, your kids drowning, or how fat your thighs look in your new bathing suit. Think of the possibilities!

Something else that needs to be shown the world at large is the incredible weather here in Kuwait. Not only do we have great summer weather so you can enjoy all of your time at the beach.


But just when you are starting to think, "Boy is it hot" a sandstorm comes in and blocks the sun for you. Like your own personal umbrella. A simply magical experience.



That picture shows what an approaching sandstorm at 2:30 in the afternoon can look like. As you can see... plenty of shade. We would provide pictures during the storm to make the experience even better, but as you can imagine cameras and sand as fine as baby powder do not mix well.

Lets talk about accommodations. After your long day at the beach you will need a place to wash the sand out of your hair, and your ass, your mouth, your ears, and any other orifice I didn’t mention. Here in Kuwait they have many 5 star (of david) hotels. Below is a picture of one of the many beach front, and back, bungalows you can rent for a very modest fee.



As you can see it has all of the amenities. Central, and exterior, air. Numerous skylights. A one car garage and a two car living room. And no one to bother you for miles and miles and miles. Hospitality like that may seem like a dream to many, but here in Kuwait it can all be had for a price anybody, and I do mean anybody, can afford.

So as you can plainly see, this country needs a minister of tourism; or at least a new one. So if any of you want to join me, feel free to come. There is room for everybody here in lovely Kuwait.

Adios South Carolina

So the first step in my adventure has come to an end. I am properly trained, readily equipped, througally exhausted, and ready to move on to the next step. Tonight I will board a military flight and, after a couple of stops in Maine and Ireland (I know right?), land in beautiful Kuwait City for my final destination. Where 6 months of fun and (a shit load of) sun await. I have high hopes that the flight will make it there in one peice, but this is the military so I will temper my expectations a bit.

My next entry may be awhile as I will spend the next 4 days at the Udairi Range. Here is a link explaining what it is, http://www.globalsecurity.org/military/facility/udairi.htm , sounds like a little slice of heaven to me.

I made a slide show to give those of you playing at home a little feel for life here at Fort Jackson. Check it out here: http://www.slide.com/r/JkjvchGB4j_G9mZCZq2y2NMmYK_DKNti?previous_view=mscd_embedded_url&view=original

Check it out and feel free to leave comments in the block below. If there is something you want to know about, left me know. I will do my best to put up pipcs of the things you are interested in seeing.

SEE YA'LL IN KUWAIT!

"Army training sir"

I will now backdate a few things here. I arrived here a week and a half ago and have had zero internet connectivity. 7 miles from the capital of South Carolina and I am already in a technological vacuum. I'm sure if I needed 4X4 parts or a gun I could find those with ease, but reliable internet may be a pipe dream.

So I arrived here in early June and was issued my Army Desert Camouflage uniforms and a 70 pound hunk of kevlar called an IBA.

Great Pic of me looking ready to take on the Taliban.

We live in Open Bay Barracks, for those of you with no military experience think summer camp cabins. 126 sweaty dudes all bunking up together in a room the size of a large hallway. The bad thing is the smell, the good thing is the camaraderie you build when you spend 24 hours a day with the same group of dudes. Troy is a Personnel Chief from Kauai who sleeps on the bunk above me, I spend most of my time hanging out with him. He is deploying to Djibouti so next week we will go our seperate ways. Hopefully we can keep in touch.

My rack mate Troy sneaking up on one of the rats that share our barracks with us. I don't think he was really going to shoot it. But who knows.


Every morning we wake @ 4:00 to cram into a bus that takes us to the range for that days live fire event.

Live fire can be anything from a M-16 rifle shoot to a .50 Caliber machine gun with armor piercing tracer rounds. By the end of this training I will have fired almost a thousand live rounds and countless others in the weapon simulators we use to make sure we dont shoot each other, or ourselves for that matter, when we are on the range.

Tanks and targets on the machine gun range.

Typical M-16 range. If I never see another one, it will be too soon..